Andy – and you thought he could change?

Andy.. I didn’t spend a lot of time with him compared to others but still where do I start?


I had the pleasure of having Andy contact me through an online website in August this year. I thought he was a little pushy to start with but seemed nice enough and was messaging me daily.


I ended up in his suburb helping a friend one night, we didn’t live far apart anyway, so I gave in to having a wine with him. When we met I found him well spoken, intelligent, funny and very charming. He told me he was the Commercial Manager for the 7 Network and had a busy role with long hours and the occasional trip away. I had nothing to base this off so I believed him as I always try to have faith in what I’m told… He said I was the kind of girl he’d love to sit on the couch with having pizza and drinking red wine and that he’d love to see me again. The next night that’s exactly what we did as we talked for hours.


We met most nights and went for walks, dinner and drank wine together. We both loved a wine but he also didn’t hide the fact that he didn’t mind the occasional night with recreational drugs. I didn’t have a problem with this as he is an adult, however it did cross my mind as to whether it may have contributed to the odd behaviour I experienced during the time I knew him.


The dissapearing acts then started over the next fortnight. Darwin first then Melbourne. Then he entirely dissapeared on the 4th week for 8 days with minimal contact. He told me he was overseeing the filming of sensitive story within the Church and that it was the worst story he’d ever been associated with in his time with 7. I felt terrible for him and with the very minimal contact it was hard to support him which made me feel even worse. You always want to be there for someone in that situation and I couldn’t be. This was just one story of many though.


I started to develop terrible anxiety at this point, which I realise now was my warning that things weren’t as they seemed. I ignored it, tried to hide it and mask it as I wanted to trust what I was being told. As I’ve now seen he was actually posting on sex sites searching for the best working girls around and the best girls to visit while he was away while I was left at home wondering if he was ok and where he was.. He even posted on sex sites searching for the best “massage” around 3 weeks after I met him.


All of a sudden Andy returned home and things were seemingly back to normal. Wines, non-stop laughs and walks around Sydney after work and on weekends. Then the odd sudden illnesses started though and were being used as a reason why he had to suddenly cancel seeing me on multiple occasions. The nights allegedly spent in bed vomiting, then the ‘weddings’ he was preparing for as he was groomsman which started to take up nearly every weekend. I still don’t believe there was either of the weddings he claimed to attend in the time I knew him but I’d be happily proven wrong..


Then more sudden, last minute trips occurred. Melbourne again to ‘train the new 7 network recruits’ and then the Tasmanian trips started. And occurred nearly weekly. There was even an emergency trip to attend to a sick son in hospital. There was minimal contact for 3 days and upon his return on the Wednesday we met for a wine and he told me all about the hospital, having to read a book and sleep in the hospital chair, the operation and even the conversation he had had with both the doctor and His ex-wife’s about the operation. There was no operation and thankfully no ill son but he returned looking like he’s been drinking and hadn’t slept for 3 days straight. The trip was actually spent lunching and out drinking with various women with only a quick visit to see his children.


On the Sunday of that week he was back at the airport on his way to Tasmania once again. This time to give away and sell his furniture from a house he had alledgedly sold in Hobart to a developer. He told me it’s just a quick trip and he will be back at 5.15pm on the Tuesday so we could see each other that night. This was never going to happen.. he was posting on a Tasmanian for sale website on the Sunday before he left that the items for sale were available to view until the Wednesday..


There was no house being sold to any developer as it turned out. I believe this was an end of lease clean he was doing on a house he had been renting. He even went as far as telling me he was delayed and unable to come home on the Tuesday because of a ‘caveat’ put on the property. This was apparently put on by the gardener who had cut the grass too close to an old shed and he had told council it had asbestos in it. This was now delaying the sale and there was all the address stress of lawyers and council involved now.. a big story with a lot of detail once again.


But as he had told me many times before when I questioned him, I was told to not put pressure on him as he has enough stress already.. I then once again told him to improve his communication and just be honest with me and there would then be nothing to worry about.


By this point I was very suspicious and could no longer ignore the slip ups and changes in his stories and the behaviour that was becoming more and more odd and erratic each week. One night he even told me during dinner about a minor accident he had had on the way there and that he had given the other driver a false name and driven off claiming he didn’t have his licence on him! If I ever questioned him I would be told to trust him, he would never do the wrong thing by me and that we will be ok.


Any text where I asked when he thought he would be home from a trip or what he had done that day out of interest would go unanswered. I questioned that and he told some story of his ex of 4 years in Sydney always demanding he tell her where he is so he now chose not to tell his partner where he was by choice. He said that he was trying to deal with it in his own head and to be a good partner. He would try to reassure me though that he was ‘learning to love a woman’ and to be patient as it was hard to communicate with me as he had ‘real feelings’ for me which he hadn’t had before. He said that all the previous women in his life were easy to keep happy as he had no real feelings, therefore he could lie and tell them whatever they wanted to hear. I should have left at that point. What sort of a man lies to their partner.. then admits it to another women! Who knows if that’s even true though.


It was often like I was dealing with a 10yo child who was having a tantrum.


He did tell me on 2 occasions that he knew the months we had spent together to that point had been bad and that he promised things will improve.  Those promises were in the same place I think all the other promises were of holidays and weekends away. Never to eventuate or be spoken of again..


In the time I knew Andy I wanted so badly to have faith and trust in him.. someone who told me that I can trust him and that things will get better. Seeing him posting on a singles site and on various sex sites rating the workers he had been with was the best thing I did. Suddenly all the anxiety disappeared and I felt at peace knowing the truth. I know he never worked for 7. I know his name is not Andy Merangoes as he had told me.  I know he never bought the apartment he lives in ‘to help out a friend who couldn’t afford the mortgage repayments’, also that he doesn’t have a large property portfolio or any of the other things claimed. Not that that mattered, I wanted him to just be him. Why make up elaborate stories. Is it to impress? Be something you’re not? To fulfil a fantasy?


I don’t hate and I’m not angry but I am hurt at what he did to me. I feel sorry for him for living a life that’s not real when in reality he just works a normal job in sales to pay the bills just like the rest of us. Be proud of that. I did want to write this simple so that other women might question what they hear and it might prevent one or two others losing financially or emotionally because of him. I lost nothing except my time. I did on more than one occasion questioned his expectations of me though and told him not to waste my time which he assured me he wasn’t going to do.


Thank you Andy for reminding me that not everything is as it seems at times and to trust your instincts. I like to see the good in the people I meet and choose to spend my time with. I learnt a lot. Especially that if it all seems too good to be true then it probably is..